Who are you when you're not just mom
Episode 3: We Were Talking About Us
A few years ago, almost a year after my husband asked for a divorce, during the week I would have otherwise been celebrating 25 years of marriage, I went to Rosemary Beach with five friends and our six high school seniors. Their last spring break before college. From the outside the trip looked like every beach week any group of girlfriends had taken in the past decade. Sunscreen, sandwiches, boys eating their weight in junk food, moms drinking wine on the deck.
Then one night midweek, with the boys outside playing poker, six of us ended up in the living room with the TV off. And the conversation didn't start with the kids. That's the part that stood out. It drifted to us. Our marriages, the ones working and the ones ending. Dating again in our fifties. Menopause, out loud, with nobody embarrassed and nobody judging. It had been a long time since I'd been in a conversation that was about me. Not my kids, not my husband, not logistics. Me. This episode is about that night, and about what happens when Mom has quietly become your entire answer to who you are.
In this episode:
The last spring break: six moms, six seniors, one rented house on the Gulf, and everyone thinking the same thing nobody said out loud
The night the conversation skipped the kids entirely, and where it went instead
Dating again after decades, and the wall my friend and I both hit at the same moment: I cannot imagine being that vulnerable with someone new
Why you should be talking to your friends about menopause, and if you're not there yet, why you should find someone who is
The three things I came home with: my friends are my cheerleaders, there is more to my life than my kids, and I'm going to be okay
"Fine, the kids are busy" is an answer about your role. It isn't an answer about you.
What you can do if you don't have a trip like this one, starting with ten minutes and one friend who loves you
"A trip that changes your life makes the decision for you. A trip that gives you a foundation hands the decision back to you."
Somewhere in this episode I ask what your honest answer is when someone asks how you are, because for years mine was "fine" followed by a list of everyone else's schedules. If that's your answer too, I built a workbook called But How Are You Really? It walks you through actually answering the question, for yourself, on paper, without anyone watching. It's $47 and it's here.
Follow Honestly Kristin on Apple Podcasts or Spotify so new episodes come to you. And if this one sounded like a woman you'd want in your living room, send it to her.
